What do you want! What do you want! What do you want? Ask your self this question. And listen for the answer. True enough some of the anwers will be mundane like water, food, sleep, peace, sex, cloths, a new car or a new job. But there will also be those deeper more sincere yearnings that come up. The ones you find hard to share becasue you fear that you might not get them. Then sometimes you want something that goes against everything you stand, at least as it relates to those who are closest to you. Sometimes I'm like that. For instances, I like someone that one of my good friends thinks isn't worth the effort while my other friends thinks he definitely likes me and I should just chill. Then I had a craving to smoke a cuban cigar. I couldn't get that but I did get a fat cigar and I smoked it. Not something I do all the time but I wanted to buy one for once in my life and do it. So I did. And I shared it and I liked it. I'll probably have another one in June for my B'day. Overall, I am getting in tune with my star F@#%*ng player! Catching up with me. All of me. I also bought a pair of handcuffs and a coupla feather boas just for the hell of it. You never know when you might need something like that. ;-) If you haven't need them already. At one time, I would have been too embarrased to buy them but oh, well, those days are passed I'm here in the now. Sometimes staing in tune with myself is a real adventure because every moment is a time to create myself again. So I ask myself, will I follow "the rules" of what it means to be a "good girl" or will I be as alive as I can. When I'm an old, old woman and I tell my stories will they be filled with vitality like the stories my grand mother told me. Will my grand children think me experienced enought that my widsom is priceless. Will I look back and regret? Will I regret not loving enough while I worried about being embarrased or rejected? Now, I've always been a bit off track ,not allowing the traditional paths prescribed for me. But am I ready to ask that brother out. Am I ready to say, whatever, if he says yes or no and still be in tune? Right now I wonder if I'm in tune enough with my star F@#$%ng PLAYER to leave my job to do what I love and make a living of it? Tonight, I say No. nope. I'm not. Soon though. I see it coming. And here's why. Today, I played that GodDamn Dancing game inthe arcade. And that sh#$ was fun!!! Me and my cousins. In that moment I got over myself and did something completely rediculous. And I liked it. We traded out and competed with ourselves and with each other. And I laughed at myself. I didn't take myself so serious that I would miss a great time with my family. Each moment is filled with the possibilities of the next and being free in that moment is the same as being free in every other moment. So yeah, I got in tune with my Star Fucking Player today and played a silly game. And had fun. What did you do today! Hope it was as fun as mine.