He's Mine Damn It!

so, I am contemplating relationship as you all well know by now. And I thought, why do we have such a need for ownership in this society. We would never suggest that we limit ourselves to only one friend. The thought of being able to only love one child deeply or one cousing or one brother. We know that we love each of these people in a personal way but we love them all the same. And when our brothers take one lover after the next, we do not feel threatened by their love for another and they do not feel threatened when we are betrothed to the love of out lives. How then do we offer such freedom to our sons and daughters, our aunts and uncles and then restrict our personal partners to having only one intimate partner. When I say intimate, I am not only referring to sexual intimacy but to the deep soul connections that arise from deep abiding love and affection for another person. There have actually been times when I was not sexually intimate with someone but yet had an intense connection and abiding love for them. Would this be ok as long as we don't have sex? Or is it ok to have sex as long as we don't care about the other person? Should we burden one person with the responsibility of fulfilling all of our intimate desires? That seems to me to be a huge responsibility for one person to perform all these tasks. And what happens when they fail. Do we then deny ourselves the connection we need and desire as physical beings? Should they be punished for their short comings?

I am in no way advocating a "free love" society of sexual and intimate irresponsibility. Just as you don't share your home with every person you meet you would not share your intimate life with everyone that you come in contact with. All of us have know a man or woman that was attractive to us and we were afraid to speak with them because we weren't sure how this intensity would come across. Sometimes that attraction has very little to do with sex. (I would say most times it doesn't) When we suppress that attraction it seeks a new outlet and the most common way to connect deeply is of course "SEX!" What we (I) really wanted was to sit close and talk long. To be appreciated and heard. To trust and be trusted. To give comfort to someone worthy of it.

Granted, there are scenarios where it is about sex. There is a need desire to experience this type of intimacy, to connect with your own body and the body of another. When I fought against that part of myself in the past I usually ended up doing it anyway. So, what I resisted became stronger. I did not acknowledge it as a natural part of myself and so could not interact in a way that was healthy and responsible. For some of us, the step away from sexual repression is a step into the unknown. Some believe it is the first step to a life of debauchery!... lol. When I accept that part of myself I reaffirm my own beauty and love for myself. I can see my body in its nakedness and smile. I can lay naked in front of my lover and carry on a conversation with out fear of being judged. (cause I got stretch marks and "with no bra my ninnys sag down low") But none of that matters cause in my freedom I am content.

These things I am still understanding inside myself. I'm sure that many sisters worry about the stigma of having "too many lovers" or "having 2 lovers" or "being a poor lover". How then do we address it if we don't express it? To heal our sexual selves from rape, molestation, poor self image, and a myriad of other things we have the option to engage that part of ourselves conciously and recover or full selves. I know that you are thinking something about this, especially if you read all the way to the end. Let me know what you think. I appreciate it. Have a happy, healthy, love-filled day!