I'm a Teacher, a Counselor, a Principle and... a mom

So I'm sitting here listening to Anthony Hamilton crooning his love for his mother and remembering my mama, too. She was actually my grandmother.

I am contemplating the various things I have to do as a mom. Most moms understand this and those who don't, learn eventually.

I mentioned before that being a mom is like a priest hood initiation and it is. The discipline and sacrifice you learn goes to new heights and depths of personal growth and development. As a mom, I have learned to let emotions come and go. Really, cause I don't have time to fall apart. Got things that are more important. Like cooking, and cleaning, and reading stories, and taking people to school. All meltdowns are scheduled for 9:30 or later. Once the children are down.

I have learned that sometimes you have to let go. Our children are human beings, although they are young, they are humans and have their own paths to travel. They are not our little lumps of clay. We choose to protect them from everything that we can but it isn't always possible. I have had to work through some very real moments with my daughter. Some of which, I will share in the future but I don't want to do so with out at least speaking with her. I have done my best to love and guide her without dominating her into being someone she is not. (she might think differently though) We all have lessons that we have to purchase with our own blood, sweat and tears.

I have learned that being a mom requires sacrifice that sometimes is not clear for others but must be clear for you. When my mother and father divorced, my father took custody of my brother and I. Somewhere I believed that this was not the way it should be. I wondered that my mother could "let us go" like that. (as if my father was not an equal partner) But now that I'm older I think about how she struggled with schizophrenia and what she was trying to do in letting go of us. It took lots of courage to do what was best for us. I am facing a similar challenge with being away from my children. I had a plan to accomplish somethings over this year that we were a part that would require a great deal of time and energy. Not everything went according to plan but I'm doing ok. Yet, explaining the separation from them is awkward. It seems that its a little more difficult for a woman to explain why she doesn't have her children with her than for a man. (come to think of it, I've never even asked a brother why he doesn't have his children with him????) I let my children be with their grandmother so that I could go to grad school and get a house.

I have learned that Moms need time too! Since many of us are in transition in relation to partnerships, we must remember to take care of our selves. If we refuse to acknowledge our need for self care, personal time, entertainment, and enrichment then how else will others do these things for us? We teach our sons and daughters by our example. We must show balance. Some would have you make your children your world, but this is a heavy burden for children. (if you are doing this successfully then no problem) But, we are still people even after we are parents.

I have learned that help is ok. It is ok to ask for help, accept help, give help and enjoy it when you have it. No matter what you need help with, ask! If you have children, then you know about the loads, and loads, and loads of laundry, let someone help you! If you are working a full time job and you're tired, order take out and give your self a break. Join a mommy or daddy co-op and share your children with others who also need to share responsibilities.

I have learned that more than the mistakes you make, or what you do for a living, or how you dress or what your sexual orientation, or economic status, or any of those things, children will ultimately remember your intention. They will come to a better understanding. And as you grow as a mom, and a human they will grow.

As a mom, I would ask that you be gentle with yourselves, and be gentle with your children. Be forgiving of yourself and of your children. (and your co-parents). Love yourselves as you love your children.

Probably more on this soon. This article will be re-worked but I'm open to feed back.