Reveal your self. 092209

I am so excited about where I am in life and in love right now. Its been an interesting journey. And through it all I have met one super stand out person who has changed my life. ME! I have met and am meeting myself. I am seeing me. In all of the people who are in my life right now there is nothing but me. I was thinking about and experiencing this the other day, how I have such wonderful people in my life. My girl friends are there for me, they look out for me. One of my really good friends went to a food bank to get some food, and she got me some. I didn't have to ask, she just thought of me the way she thinks of her self. My best friend was able to get some resources and shared with me her abundance by covering the cost of a wonderful dinner in a beautiful resturant. My other good friend got retro pay and said to me, "I wanna take you some where". I mean, I have people who not only love me but don't mind showing it.

So in all this love lavished on me, I wanted to check myself to say why? Why do they love me? Do I give them what they give me? Do they know how I get overwhelmed and don't know what to say when they tell me I'm beautiful. Cause I'm looking at them like, WoW! I hope and pray that they know whats in my heart and that my giving nurtures their spirit. I reveal myself to them without fear or question. I know that they love me. I trust that they love me. Even if they forget to call me back. Or don't return my earrings or shoes. Or if there is a time when I have to treat cause they "just ain't got it". After all these are my girls. They have my back. I don't hold them to the expectation that we have to see each other everyday or talk everyday to show love. I mean, I have close friends who live all the way in Texas and they know as much about my life as those who live in the city with me. I have friends that I haven't seen in close to 10 years and the love is no less when we see each other and when we talk. We have no fear. My girls have shown me that I do share, I do give, I do compliment, I do encourage I do support them. Cause they are my reflection.


Now since the title of this peace is Reveal your self...I had to wonder what my relationship with my brothers was telling me about me. Do I have this same trust for the masculine principle? Do I love the sharp and direct energy? Have I made room for the yang element? Do I want the Yang element? Do I fear the Yang element? So I began to think about the men in my life and how I respond to their love and care for me. I have beautiful brothers in my life who heal me when I'm sick. Who will pray for me and with me, and even fuss with me until I get better. I have brothers who will just sit on the couch with me and watch tv and nod off cause we're both tired. I have brothers that I can walk up to and say, "Gimmie $20." and they don't question me why. (not like the song...lol) They just do it. I have brothers who will just hug me and hold me and touch me cause I want that. I'm sure some of you/us are thinking...hmp, girl you havin sex with that many guys? And I say NO! But I am making love to and with them.

I have allowed myself to see them as beautiful too. I can see each of them and in that moment he IS the love of my life. When I'm dancing with them, I am dancing with GOD and GOD is a damn good dancer! My heart opens to them and I can see how wonderful they are. I choose over and over to trust them. They are trust worthy! After all, they are revelations of me. They also represent some part of myself just like my sisters do.

Recently, I met someone who I have chosen to enjoy deeply. This scared me since it required that I open to myself in a way that I had not chosen in nearly 10 years. My first response was, "If I can't be in total control, with a virtual time stamped guarantee, then I don't want to play!" OK...What?...Suit yourself. I controlled my way right into a sad and unhappy moment. In my effort to control, and not love, I caused myself unhappiness. I stopped the flow. I was definitely NOT going with THAT flow! What the hell you mean you're not sure! Don't you see all this!...lol. I threw my tantrum and ran home to hide. Never mind that he communicated clearly. (not just the one statement mind you). Never mind that we had fun. Never mind he was/is attentive and loving and compassionate and intelligent and an excellent lover. Never mind that I was getting all the manifestations of what I wanted. NEVER MIND ALL OF THAT! I wanted a guarantee. Hmmmmm? Why?....so I spent some time with God to sort it all out.

This particular brother was showing me that I was afraid of the masculine principle of God. That fast moving, unpredictable, yang element in the universe. I was holding back cause I didn't acknowledge that God already loves me more than words could say and how can I lose by loving God back. After all, this brother is god. Just like me. Now, this ain't no advocacy for being a crazy stalker chic and forcing your self on someone. But it is an advocacy for seeing yourself in a resistant lover or friend. For admitting that all, and I do mean ALL, of your experiences are your own doing. So I admitted that some part of me was resistant to revealing myself. I did not accept the yin that this yang was bringing out. I was afraid that it made me weak to be so receptive and yielding. I had crazy thoughts like, "What if he plays you?" ...hahahahhh. What a question? Like he's an automaton robot and I'm the only one with this special wiring that includes feelings and care for another.

After 3 days, I contacted him and found him to be as warm and kind and fun and affectionate (is that what love is? or the words) as ever. I expressed my desire to be in his company and to experience him and he replied, playfully but truthfully, "you were in self imposed exile, I'm good! When you wanna hang out" I laughed at my willingness to throw away a wonderful "PERSON" because I could not control him. I mean seriously, I would never hold my female companions to such rediculous expectations. It would never even enter my mind. It would be obsurd to say to my female friends, "tell me we're gonna eventually be best friends for ever, or I don't wanna be friends with you." I see now that my fear of the yang element of God, my trust opportunity with myself, was the issue. My interactions with him and with you helped to reveal myself to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. With out you my life has no meaning. You are my contrast. You allow me to know who I am. The indivisible duality. You and Me.

I have allowed myself to receive the wonderful joy that comes from sharing with each of you. Male and Female. I have revealed myself. You have revealed yourself in me. What do you see when you see me? How do you feel when we are together? That is who you are. Rather you enjoy me or chose to outjoy me does not matter. I am your revelation. And you are mine. What a wonderful world we've created. Enjoy!

Leave me a note: Tell me what you see, think, feel when we are together! Reveal your SELF!...careful now! I am your mirror.. :-)