Monogamy?....Monogamy....Monogamy! 102909

What is monogamy? I know some of my sista's don't really want to hear anymore from me surrounding this subject. But I have to say these things and I really do look forward to some honest dialog. We have to be the voice of reason for each other.
When I was struggling with this issue in my own relationship, (not that I'm so over it), the idea of monogamy I devised for myself is this:

Monogamy/monogamous: When you and another person agree to bear witness to the life and times of each other. When you decide to simply be another pair of eyes to observe the development of a God. The choice to say Amen (peace) to all of another's life challenges.

Love in its own right does not demand control. It has not external requirements. It is a consistent lighting of the path of peace. Love really does not get offended. Cause if that were the case, God would have discontinued its services long ago.

The fact is, most of us use monogamy as a tool of total domination.(cheer announcer voice with lasers: Total Domination!) We only accept our beloved when he or she is being good. Not remembering that what another person does aint got nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with who they are choosing to be. How YOU RESPOND has everything to do with you. And I mean, evaluate your response with the removal of excuses. Like for instances, we broke up because he was always late and that made me feel like he didn't respect my time or me. (personal one here folks) Now, I could have corrected this by moving ahead with my plans and not adjusting to accommodate this individual beyond what I found enjoyable, which would have been more powerful, since I would have insured my own self importance. But I didn't. I focused outwardly, and broke it off. And now, I am repeating this lesson with someone else.

I recognize when trying to put this into words that this is a complex issue that is recommended only for those choosing total responsibility. And I do mean TOTAL responsibility for all that they experience. I crafted my definition of monogamy out of my own drive toward total responsibility. I recognized that my capacity to love went beyond the need to control someone. Or to submit to someone else's control.

Most of all, I guess I've been tryna figure out why, Why, WHY this issue is so *&^T important to the concept of love. How many relationships would still be intact if we released the need to control and stroke our own ego's? And I know this paradigmn is not common and I grapple with it when someone I want to spend time with is too busy, or not responsive, or not interested even. So do I get mad? Do I punish them later? Or do I feel gratitude for the opportunity to see the others in my life that I can also enjoy? Learning to flow folks is key! Open up and realize that all worthy relationships will bring you deep and lasting change if you let it.

Do you equate putting it on lock with love? Are you still tryna figure out how to stop ya wo/man from cheating, or wanting to cheat, or thinking of cheating, or planning on cheating? Are you tryna foil his/her plans to get out the box? But more than that, Is it working? Are you happy when he/she submits to your will? Are you satisfied when they stop tryna be bigger/larger than life? Is it your wish that they stay home and stare at you and only do what you enjoy? Where do we draw the line?

Disclaimer: I am not advocating irresponsible and reckless behavior that can result in death, dismemberment, emotional destruction to anyone outside of your self. If sex is the issue, use a condom. Other wise, do you.

When I was a pseudo monogamist, I adhered to the classic rendition of monogamy, cause I was afraid of anything else and because I was a control freak and believed that by being in control of that I would be happier. Now, I'm learning to love. Instead of control. It has taken time to develop a sense of self that allows others to also be themselves. But damn it folks....

I really want to say, "Stay together, love each other, be patient, say amen once in a while, when you aren't sure what to do next, just try love and acceptance. (not agreement, acceptance) I know it can work. If we work it on out this life time"